Hello! Today, I am presenting my article about the Photography Department here at Beach, and am hoping that you guys have some good suggestions: ). I know my article is lacking quotes and needs a few more pieces of information which I will gather by the end of the week. Do you have any other suggestions?
Secondly, I would like to let you all know that I am the Art& Entertainment Editor again, and I would like to branch out and ask about what has been being written when I was gone/Jo took place as editor. There aren’t many articles up, or atleast articles of great interest which are relative to what students in school actually entertain themselves with. Definitely more has to be done in order to acheive interesting, exciting pieces that people really want to read. I have only thought about a few things I can do to get people writing more interesting articles, and that is to include an upcomping events sidebar on the A&E page and/or to just talk about and encourage other writers to write about events that you’ve been to. Be informative and suggestive so we can have more people knowing what is going and what should primarily be written.
Thank you! I hope you all enjoyed my presentation : P.
7 responses so far ↓
margaretc09 // March 10, 2008 at 6:01 pm |
I think that you should include the lack of enlargers in the third paragraph when you discuss the chemicals, already 6 englargers, etc. I actually think you can include the need for a club in that paragraph too, since you mention that they do all their work in the class time. Try to talk to Junquera about those two issues, becuase they might come to be paraqraphs of their own. I’m sure there are other things she wants for the program.
alicias2008 // March 10, 2008 at 6:02 pm |
Hey Ashley, well I have to inform you that you have a well written piece and it did capture my attention. The piece is mainly about the class and I would suggest that you place the information on why we dont have an afterschool photography club in the very end or very beginning. The whole body part of the piece tells about the classes so I dont think that its appropiate to put information on the no club in there, thats why Im suggesting in the very beginning or in the very ending. Overall I think tha opiece is great and I liked it very much
aarong2010 // March 10, 2008 at 6:03 pm |
it seems like you have most of the needed information. There is alot of photography terms in the article which might need to be explained.
I feel like you might want to put more focus on the students who won awards instead of the photo dept. in general. Get more detail about the winners and their photos. i dont if thats where you want to go with this article, i just thkn its a good idea
alexco09 // March 10, 2008 at 6:03 pm |
I think it’s off to a great start. For your conclusion, try and be a TAD bit more objective: instead of using the word “hopefully” just say “students are striving to…” in other words, make it all a tad more assertive. If possible, try and find out anyone else in the school, particularly faculty, who has a background in photography, it might give a neat insight for the rest of the school.
robertar2008 // March 10, 2008 at 6:04 pm |
I think that once you have some quotes the article will be better. It seems a little biased to me but that’s only because I’m familiar with News. If it’s a Features piece then nevermind. Anyway, if you wanted to write about how the school should have more enlargers, you may want to add that after you say that the students have little time and have to share the enlargers during class.
miriamk2009 // March 10, 2008 at 6:06 pm |
I find your article to be a litttle biased.
Where it says, “Traveling to Italy…,” do you mean she has traveled there? It sounds like she currently is.
It is also somewhat coversational, which you can easily eliminate.
ashlieh2008 // March 10, 2008 at 6:07 pm |
The article looks like it will turn out good, just fill in the missing gaps, generally lol
Suggestions would go towards finding quotes, more people to talk too, and un-conversationalizing the article.
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